An old knee injury aggravated on the first day of my stay was a mixed blessing.  On the one hand, as I could not possibly twist my knee, I had an excuse to escape the humiliation of my riding school style reaction to the novice ski school.  On the other hand I had far too much time spare time to develop my paranoia.  An innocent excursion to Salzburg spawned several severe panic attacks, the first I'd ever experienced.  I remember clinging to the parapet of some bridge completely unable to focus on anything rational.

In contrast to my usual reaction to new experiences I thoroughly enjoyed my first attempt at cross-country skiing.  Physically I was able to manage because my knee could cope with moving in straight lines on well-prepared trails along the valley bottoms.  Emotionally langlauf was ideal because the equipment was available for hire without tuition.  For some reason I found swishing uncontrollably down a shallow slope and landing in a heap in snowdrift at the bottom hilarious rather than humiliating.  Away from the peer pressure and instructor observations of a class situation I felt in control of my self-esteem.

Extremely disillusioned with my ability to cope with most new experiences, the trip raised serious questions about any future plans.  Perhaps I was not destined to ride the range in the footsteps of those childhood heroes after all.  When I dreamed of doing so I assumed that the only problem would be whether I could afford to go to America.  I never envisaged that my state of mind would be the biggest barrier.

However I have never been one to baulk at a challenge.  Working through the psychological difficulties I encountered making that dream a reality has been a voyage of discovery that raised as many new questions about my ability to cope with different situations as it answered.  The strategies that work for me were developed by trial and error.

Until I trained as a counsellor, I was unaware that my approach was closely related to tried and tested psychological methodology. However my experiences have provided concrete and recurring proof that the step-by-step approach to desensitisation and achieving objectives that I now help many of my clients to implement really works in practise.

If you would like help with any difficulties of your own you may find the links page on this website a useful place to start.

If you are experiencing an immediate crisis or are in need of urgent help, please contact your family doctor service or the accident and emergency or similar department at your local hospital.  In the England and Wales NHS Direct (see below) may also be able to help you.  If you do not want to access urgent help through the health services, a listening service is provided by the Samaritans (UK) or Befrienders International (other areas, subject to availability).