Embarrassment on Blencathra
Circumstances forced a five and a half year break from foreign travel.  During this time, I completed my counsellor training.  While doing so I continued to develop my awareness about the potential impact of anxiety provoking situations and began to recognise the validity of many of the methods I had employed.  In particular, I became familiar with situations where I was likely to encounter my then most pressing concern: "vertigo" in the mountains".  I realised that these circumstances were very specific.  Most notably when climbing a steep slope above a certain gradient with a drop to one side or at my back and particularly on loose scree or when tired at the end of a long day.

Significantly I rarely had problems coming down because I almost always had my back to the slope.  Snow, ice and other slippery conditions also increased my anxiety levels substantially in part because of the serious knee injury I sustained many years ago when I slipped on a patch of ice.  One of my worst fears when walking is repeating that injury and being stranded in some remote location.  Despite my generalised fear of flying I have always wanted to ride in a helicopter but I'd prefer not to become a mountain rescue statistic in the process.

My head began to swim and my vision to blur one epic day when a friend and I decided to make Great Gable our last summit on a lengthy Lake District circuit.  She reached the top as I sat, back glued to the reassuring solidity of Aaron Slack, while images of Skyhead Tarn below gradually returned to focus.  Disillusioned and demoralised, tears of anger and frustration washed away the enjoyment of the rest of the day and with it any acknowledgement of the achievement already attained..

On another embarrassing occasion a member of our walking group had to relieve me of my rucksack while another companion hauled my quivering form by the hand up the aptly named Sharp Edge.  I have since failed to summit Blencathra by that route again and, to this day, despite many potentially desensitising experiences, the vertigo problem remains largely unresolved.

Despite a lack of foreign travel, the early nineties were not without other tests.  The opportunity to attend a diverse range of music concerts in a wide cross section of venues around the country gave me the chance to work on anxiety in relation to crowds.  Although I have never stayed away from concerts and other crowd events, I have always felt far more uneasy when closed in than in wide open spaces.  My well-developed sense of self-preservation combined with a keen appreciation of the potential dangers of various venues promoted a heightened sense of awareness even while watching the most captivating performance.